Refrigerators are female

Look me in the door ...

When did you last talk to your refrigerator? No, I'm not talking about the evening than with Gerd Udo and celebrated the fact that you are responsible for 6 weeks because of Barbara's treatment Strohwitwer emptied while some 5-liter kegs. What I mean is this highly intelligent things that were just introduced at the IFA refrigerators with Monitor, the order wlan food orders at Lidl. The fact that so what the everyday life of a man may well change in the future, whether this - show story - fictional currently:

Since it was - my new 11xStrich13 from Chrome, model "Frosty Yve". I had a few days now, everything perfectly flap, my fridge was always fresh ingredients, nothing was missing. So I had initiated phase 2 and "Yve-chen" (as I affectionately called them in your mind) completely absorbed into the wireless network, enabling it to communicate, for example, with my toaster or my kitchen stove.
It was a Tuesday when I received some initial concerns about whether my decision was reasonable. I stood up in the morning and cheerfully said to the refrigerator door. "Yve - rich me once butter, eggs and 3 slices of Emmental cheese out," This tray opened - but it contained only a jar of cream cheese. I stared blankly at the refrigerator door and repeated my order in a little louder sound. Now answer the language module of the refrigerator (that has a Israeli navigational instrument was licensed) juvenile in melodious voice: "Master, I saw you already understood ..." (hm, yes, okay, that was the "master" I set the configuration to , one wills it a bit but have comfortably). Yve-chen went on. "But that would not be good for you - take the cream cheese," I took the cream cheese and looked at him suspiciously. It was exactly the sort of cheese, the women preferred, because he had taken little taste of fat. I put him back into the output tray: "Yve, You're crazy! I do not want any cheese. I am a man! I want my butter ... "The melodic voice interrupted me, Master, I know what you want. But I've retrieved the data of your balance. We should reduce the 128 grams that you have increased over the past 14 days, quickly. "
I snorted, "Who is 'we'? The scale and you? 128 grams are as good as anything, it's just a blur in the fluid balance! "
"Master," the voice said, "You forget that I know your fluid balance. Eventually you'll get from me even your drinks ... "
"Nonsense," I said impatiently and pulled up a kitchen chair, because I was not quite awake, "I have tap water ..."
"No," said the tinny voice, "since you can program on Water for the drinkers taking part ', I also read the water consumption via the network."
Gee, that I had forgotten. I tried the gentle way:
"Yvchen, now is not so, I have the office and there should not suffer a fainting spell. You know that I already have my jogging workload increases. "
The refrigerator door disagreed: "Not really, I have retrieved the data of the washing machine. Your sweatshirt last night was only slightly harder than you gave to the press -. Had so little absorbed sweat "
"But, you Coolest among the cool, yesterday was a murderous heat, evaporation ..."
"Master, I've just logged in weather-dot-com and retrieve the data for our zip code district yesterday. Shall I continue ...? "
So now I was furious! I got up and built me ​​up in front of the refrigerator door:
"Now listen carefully, you überkandideltes piece of metal ..."
The refrigerator stopped me: "Please define, eccentric" - Wikipedia does not know the word. "
My voice got louder:
"Eccentric is crossed, you scrap heap ..."
The output bin has been drawn shut. The refrigerator door croaked: "So in that tone I do not want to discuss with you!"
I was staggered for a few seconds, the language, then I cried:
"Sound? Tone! I'll give you the same sound! Kindly do now once the entire cabinet door so that I can take yourself, what I want! "
"Pff," was heard the voice. I gave the door a blow and shouted: "Quick! Do you hear? "
A mocking tone echoed in the voice answering, "Master, you know certainly that you need the master password when to open the door ..."
Ah, yes, right. "No problem - stocking cap."
"What?"
"Apples-Zi-mu-tze," I said loud and now emphasizes.
"You are mumbling - I do not understand the word."
I blushed, but saved me a reply. Instead I did what I could have done long ago, I worked out the keyboard out of the closet door for me to log into the configuration menu. My password was not accepted.
Yve cleared his throat. "It is useless to master. My anti-virus program has done before 2 minutes, the resulting bi-weekly password change. "
I groaned, "You know you gotta call me!"
The answer came promptly: "Sooner or later I will continue to do so. Let's make a deal: Once you've lost weight 500 grams, I tell you the password. "
I saw through the metal box, of course: "Ha! I can not do within the next 14 days! And after the password has changed again, and you give me the old one! "
"But Master," the voice took on an innocent tone. "Do you honestly believe such a thing could I do?"
"Yes," I answered clearly and precisely.
"But Meisterchen, then you have to stop completely, take off very quickly by, for example, you increase your exercise program ..."
So, I had enough! I gave it! With a gezischten "Fuck you!" I disappeared into the office. On the way home I bought in the evening sun, the height SZ-PHG-2900th The disposal of an autonomous network. I would judge it to Yve and melt down their diodes. Then I would start all over again. With a refrigerator, could not think. Yeah!